Pearls Of Wisdom From The Always Lovable Buddy Baker
3/07/2014
PattyKay Lilley
I bid
you welcome gentle readers to one of those lighthearted and lovable columns
most of you enjoy so much. If you listened to the radio show on Monday night or
read Tuesday's column on the Knockout Qualifying, then you know I'm not mad at
anyone, and most of you are not complaining about anything important either. In
short, I'm enjoying being a race fan and I hope you are as well.
I wasn't
even sure I was going to do a second column this week, as on Friday we welcome
"That Sports Chick", Robyn Vandenberg to the staff of Race Fans
Forever, and her first column here will run on that day. Then Jim and I were
having a conversation this morning and he quoted something he had heard Buddy
Baker say on the radio... Sirius Radio, which I am too poor to listen to. Buddy
is a riot and has been for many, many years. I said something to Jim about
wishing I had a complete collection of "Buddyisms",
and later I realized that while not complete, some digging through my files
might... and did... turn up quite a few gems from our Gentle Giant, Big Buddy
or whatever your favorite name is for the guy that should have been first in line when
those original new TV contracts came to be in 2001. How on earth two networks
could make some of the choices they did and leave out one of the absolute best,
has always baffled this writer.
The line
Jim heard this morning was classic Buddy Baker. It was a conversation between
Buddy and Paul Page on the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, probably issuing from
Kurt Busch's much talked about attempt to "Do the Double" this year.
Remarking on how impressive the track is, Buddy offered this... "I remember one time I was walking
through the canyon of seating, and as I came around a corner out to the front
stretch, I heard a whole lot of cheering, and I was like, 'Man, these folks
know who I am here!' Well, it was about that time that I turned around
and saw A.J. Foyt had come around the same corner at the same time!"
Another
story that also came from Jim (thanks Partner) was one Buddy told about David
Pearson and how he would always save his equipment and then come out of nowhere
to challenge for a win at the end of a race, much like Kenseth or "Where'd
he come from?" Harvick do today. He said Pearson would know that if
he took it easy for a while and saved his tires, that later in the run, he wouldn't
have to run down Baker; Baker would just come back to him. Buddy then
went on to say that he always wanted to know where Pearson was. Where’s
Pearson?…where’s Pearson? Then he said at Charlotte one year, he asked
“Where’s Pearson?” on his radio, and David Pearson was on his channel. Pearson said, “I’m right behind you. Pick it
up because Parsons is catching us!”
Most of
the one-liners I have on file are from a myriad of different tracks, spoken in
different years, but all are treasures. I honestly think that Buddy could make
"Good morning" hilarious in his own inimitable way. Here then, in no
particular order... because I honestly don't know when most were spoken or
heard, is a generous sprinkling of "Buddyisms"
for all to enjoy.
"I'd
like to say something nice about that wreck but I can't think of anything"
"Sometimes
it takes several laps for a wreck to happen"
On
being asked to do a TV piece on conserving fuel - "I told them they better
get somebody else, that I didn't know anything about saving gas."
"I
always wondered how a guy running right with me for 100 miles was able to keep
going when I ran out of gas. I guess it had something to do with the way he
held his mouth - huh?"
"With
ten to go, I didn't have a code of ethics."
"I
never lost my job while I was leading a race."
"Ernie
Irvan could go bear hunting with a switch. He ain't never
afraid."
"Wally
Dallenbach's like a kite without a tail out
there."
"My
purpose in life was to run 100%. Maybe it cost me some races, but nobody ever
hired me to ride."
"I
got hit in the head pretty hard. My clock ran backwards for two years."
On his
brain surgery - "I'm going to have minor brain surgery."
"You
can tell that you're in trouble when you feel the air on the back of your neck
instead of in your face."
"Jeff
Gordon's handling down the straightaways. I mean, he's flying down the straightaways."
On one
of his old Plymouth's - "I could stand up in the seat and not hit my
head."
"New
tires are like Superman medicine"
"Man,
I've hit everything but the lottery."
"Race
drivers are schizophrenics; I'm a completely different person outside of the
car."
On the
Gibson Guitar Buddy himself won at Nashville - "I was like a pig with a
wristwatch"
On a
newly re-paved Darlington - "The new asphalt is like putting a tuxedo on a
rattlesnake."
"Cale
Yarborough would wear out a set of gloves a race pulling them up."
"Cale
Yarborough would have to call a service station to get a tire changed, but he's
as good as anyone who ever drove a race car."
"Remember,
if the world was perfect you wouldn't need roll bars in race cars.
From the
Busch Race at Nashville - 1998
"Dave
Blaney'll learn, you don't
mess with Dick Trickle."
To Casey
Atwood - "Do you shave yet?"
From
Texas Motor Speedway - April 1998
"Oh
man, Patty Moise does not know Jimmy Spencer like I
know Jimmy Spencer".
With
reference to a driver in a Pro Truck race - "He ran out of talent about
halfway through the corner"
On Kenny
Irwin getting into Jimmy Spencer at Dover Downs
"Oh
boy, that's Jimmy Spencer. That's like stickin' a
stick in a bears cage, that is. I don't think he wants
to do that again."
On Rick
Hendrick and Felix Sabates - "Well I don't know which one has more money
but I'll tell you what. Either one could burn a wet mule with hundred dollar
bills."
Said at Hickory
Speedway, "Short track racing is by all means a contact sport"
Buddy
was interviewed after a Superspeedway race in which he drove through a smoke
screen full of wrecked cars. When the commentator praised his skillful driving,
Buddy's response was,
"It's amazing what you can do with your eyes closed"
"My
wife cooked cabbage last night. I asked
her, 'My Lord, how could you get an ass in a pot?"
"We
finally found out where Spam comes from. It comes from a spig."
And
there you have it gentle readers... a heaping helping of Big Buddy himself,
some you've heard or read before and others I'm sure are new to you. They are
treasures all, taken together or individually... they are Buddy, being Buddy as
sportscasters are so fond of saying.
Buddy,
thanks for being you! Live long and prosper dear man. You are one of racing's
true treasures and you are missed by those of us that can't afford the price of
Sirius XM Radio. Oh, and this Bud's for you!
Be well
gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~
PattyKay