Tales From The Lighter Side ~ Quotes From Folks Not Named France
1/10/2014
PattyKay Lilley
I bid
you welcome gentle readers, to what you must be beginning to think is an
endless supply of these clever, lighthearted... or maybe not... quotes from
racing folks. I truly wish the supply were endless, and in fact, it might be,
because they all keep right on talking, but they don't all live in my
ever-growing files. (Yet) This is just a rag-tag collection of amusement
brought together for your reading pleasure, so fill your plate with smiles and
dig in.
*****
"I
don’t even know why I’m going to watch it. I know he is going to win. He has
gotten so smart sitting in the (TV) booth. It’s obvious that nobody else will
stand a chance with all the knowledge he has gained."
Terry
Labonte, referring to Darrel Waltrip, who was about to run the truck race at
Martinsville, well after he supposedly "retired" from racing.
(Always
nice to know the drivers feel the same way the fans do)
*****
"The
doctor just told me that the first time I came back it was a full-fledged
miracle. He kind of explained to me how many miracles can you have. That kind
of woke me up."
Ernie
Irvan, announcing his retirement
(A lot
of us are glad that you got your miracle Ernie)
*****
"I’ve
got some really good words for him. Unfortunately, I can’t say them on TV. I
wish I had something I could’ve shot at him."
Ward
Burton, referring to Dale Earnhardt Jr. after the two had a meeting of the
metal at Bristol
(Umm,
like maybe your 12-gauge?)
*****
"There
is ‘fast’ and there is ‘fast fast.’ Bristol is definitely ‘fast fast.’ "
Joe Nemechek
(I
wonder if he refers to track speed or wreck speed)
*****
“No, I…
I mean, first off, you look in the mirror and you see it. And then you see it,
you're sitting in there in your little cocoon, and the fire starts wrapping
around. And it's like, OK, as soon as this thing gets stopped, now would be a
pretty good time to get out.”
Ken
Schrader, referring to a fiery wreck at Pocono
(Yep,
and quickly too)
*****
“It’s
basically the same, just darker.”
Alan
Kulwicki, commenting on the difference between racing on Saturday night and
Sunday afternoon
(Sometimes
simple questions deserve simple answers... and no, he was not smiling when he
said that)
*****
"When
you pull into victory lane it makes you feel good that you just ruined their
day."
Jeff
Gordon, discussing the boo birds in the grandstands
(And he
must have given lessons to Kyle Busch)
*****
“I guess
it (the championship) will sink in once I see my daddy's eyes next week.''
Dale
Earnhardt Jr., referring to his Busch Series Championship
(We wish
that you could still see them June bug)
*****
"Bottom
line: We’re out here in the da** desert blowing tires."
Kenny
Wallace at Phoenix; obviously not enthralled to be there
(Hey, at
least you weren’t sitting up on Rattlesnake Mountain)
*****
“I
recall several funny incidents, considering that no one got hurt, particularly
at Darlington. We were there for the first Southern 500 in 1950. It was
miserably hot as usual on Labor Day, and I’d never driven 500 miles. I thought
what a treat it would be to have something cool to drink in my thermos bottle,
located behind the seat and fitted with a rubber hose for sipping. So I filled
mine with tomato juice. I wrecked early. I wasn’t hurt, but the juice
splattered all over me. The first person to the car looked inside and saw me
covered with what he thought was blood. ‘Gawd, get an
ambulance,’ he exclaims, ‘Baker’s done cut his head off!’"
Buck
Baker
(Gee,
and it sounded like such a good idea. Wait ‘til you see the follow-up)
*****
“Another
time, at Hillsboro, North Carolina, I put beer in my thermos. After a few laps,
the beer, jostled by the bumpy ride, foamed and the top came off the jug. The
inside of the car looked like a washing machine. I had to explain that one to
Bill France”
Buck
Baker with "The rest of the story"
(I guess
he wasn’t familiar with NASCAR’s “zero tolerance policy”)
*****
“This
story has been told countless times, but not very accurately. I don’t know whether
it’s worth wrecking the myth that surrounds it. Most versions have me driving
my Chevelle racecar out of Daytona Speedway while the gas tank was laying on the ground. There was an argument over fuel, and I
did drive the car from the track to my garage with no gas tank. Whether or not
I had a gas tank didn’t matter, because that car had an illegal 11-foot fuel
line with a 2-inch hole in it that held 6 gallons of gasoline. I could have
driven to Jacksonville 90 miles away with the fuel in the line. The incident
prompted NASCAR to change the fuel line opening to 3/8 inch.”
Of
course, that is the legendary Smokey Yunick, telling his side of one of the
“legends” of NASCAR
(This
guy makes today’s mechanics look like monkeys in comparison)
*****
“At a dirt-track
race in Savannah, Georgia, in 1953, I had two Hudson Hornets for Herb Thomas
and Dick Rathmann. Thomas won the pole, but Dick was
having problems. I kept telling Dick he was lifting too late in turn 3.
Finally, he gave me his helmet and said to show him. We climbed in the car. He
had no seat, helmet, or harness. I told him to touch me when we got to the
point where he lifted going into (turn) 3. We went into the turn wide-open, and
he never touched me. We spun around the biggest telephone pole I’d ever seen
and left the doors handle on the driver side sticking in the pole. The only
thing Dick said was ‘Don’t stall it.’"
(Old
Smokey could even tell tales on himself)
*****
We have
one more from Smokey today. This isn’t NASCAR, but it is vintage Smokey Yunick.
One time
we were at qualifying for the Indianapolis 500. Driver Jim Hurtubise
had a car he built himself. It was the old-style construction, with torsion
bars and straight front axles. Everybody else had independent suspension. In
fact, he had two cars--one he had wrecked and the other that wasn’t ready. To
hold your place in the qualifying order, you had to keep a car in line. When
the track closed, the position you held at that time was the same one you got
the next morning. That gave Jim all night to prepare his car. He put the car
that wasn’t ready on the line. Somebody challenged the legality of the car,
which was sponsored by a beer company. The hood was raised, and there were four
cases of beer holding up the exhaust header. There was no engine in it.
(The car
and beer are in a racing museum in Bedford, Indiana.)
*****
Back in
1991, Michael Waltrip set about earning a little piece of fame that no one
really wants. It was during a practice session at Bristol Motor
Speedway, when he lost the car and headed for the wall. What he hit was
not a wall. At that time, Bristol had an
iron gate that swung open to allow emergency vehicles and infield traffic to
exit the track. (Actually, I think it still does) Mikey’s
car caught the edge of that gate, and the result was phenomenal. The gate
survived nicely, but Mikey's car was torn and twisted
into something unrecognizable. Big brother Darrell came really close to
breaking the 4-minute mile getting to that car, totally prepared for the
worst. Lifting away the torn roof, he was treated to the sight of Mikey, standing on the ground since there was no floor
left, asking sheepishly "What's the matter?" Mikey
managed a self-evacuation from the car through what had once been the
engine compartment, and to the amazement of doctors and fans, was unhurt. That
car is on display at Bristol right now, on loan from the Motorsports Museum at
Talladega.
*****
And one
more before we close for today. Back in 2004 I believe it was, at the beginning
of the season, long-time driver Geoff Bodine suddenly announced to reporters
that henceforth, he wished to be known as Geoffrey. When asked why, he
answered, "There are too many Jeffs in the
garage." It wasn't long after that Driver Dick Trickle stepped it up a
bit.
"From
now on, I want to be known as Richard." When asked why, the answer came,
complete with a wide grin and a twinkling eye; "There are too many Dicks in the
garage."
(Nope,
that requires absolutely no comment from me)
Be well
gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~
PattyKay
[email protected]