If You Can Agree With Most Of This, You Just Might Be A Race Fan 7/01/2014 |
I bid
you welcome gentle readers, and we extend a warm welcome as well to our
assigned reader in the Fan and Media Espionage Center in Charlotte, North
Carolina. This upcoming Friday will be the Fourth of July, when America
celebrates her emergence as a new and independent nation, some 238 years ago.
Don't panic; I'm not going to bury you in patriotism... this time. Instead,
you'll have to settle for the lovely picture of the Good Ol' Boys of long ago
signing the Declaration of Independence, which I've taped across the top of the
page. Smile! It's July; we have air conditioning and deodorant. They had
neither. With that in mind, aren't you glad you're here with me?
As you're
enjoying the beach, mountains, ball games, races, barbecues, fireworks or
whatever other way you choose to spend your long weekend, take two minutes to
reflect on why it is that we celebrate, and your scribe will be happy... and
no, it is not because you have Friday off Bozo.
But...
because Friday is a Holiday, you won't be reading here, so being the rather
clever old lady that I am, I won't be writing either. In short, this is the
only column you'll be seeing from me this week. See? Now you have another
reason to celebrate!
My
harshest critics... me, myself and I, have let it be known that we have been
taking ourselves far too seriously of late, so on their advice, let's lighten
this one up just a tad, shall we? Your scribe will don her Mama Foxworthy hat
and we'll have a little discussion on some of the behaviors that indicate that
you just might be a race fan.
Before
we begin, I must tell you that some of these are derived from personal
experience and others are things told or confessed to me over a number of
years. If you think you recognize yourself in any of the following
circumstances, odds are, you're right... but I'll never tell... on either one
of us.
If you
prefer Sam Adams Summer Ale or maybe Redd's Apple
Ale, but drink Budweiser because they sponsor a car... you might be a race fan.
If you
hear someone refer to "The King" and never think of Elvis... you
might be a race fan.
If
you've ever sculpted a driver's number with a lawn mower... you might be a race
fan.
If your
children are named Kyle, Brad and Kasey, and they're girls... you might be a
race fan.
If you ever
skipped church on Sunday to watch RaceDay... you might be a race fan.
If you
think the National Anthem ends with the words, "Drivers, start your
engines"... you might be a race fan.
If used
racing slicks mark the corners of your driveway... you might be a race fan.
If you
have a checkered flag tattooed anywhere on your body... you might be a race
fan.
If any room
in your home is decorated in black and white checkers... you might be a race
fan.
If your Sunday
dress shirt has a racecar on it... you might be a race fan.
If you
start wishing it were time to go racing and it's only Sunday evening...
you might be a race fan.
If you
dress your dog or cat in racing gear and think it's adorable... you might be a
race fan.
If there
is a bag full of track stuff in your home that is always packed and ready...
you might be a race fan.
If you
remember phone numbers by associating them with driver numbers... you might be
a race fan.
If you
don't associate banking with money... you might be a race fan.
If you
can recite the top ten in points without looking them up... you might be a race
fan.
If the
term "Happy Hour" has nothing to do with drinking... you might be a
race fan.
If you
can drive to four or more race tracks without directions or a road map...
you might be a race fan.
If you've
ever entered into a spirited debate over which driver (or wife) is the cutest...
you might be a race fan.
If you
have races rec0rded that are older than your grandchildren... you might be a
race fan.
If your
calendar has racing scenes, but they are from the 1960s... you might be a race
fan.
If you
plan a week-long party when the race is near your town... you might be a race
fan.
If all
of your friends are race fans... you might be a race fan.
If you
skip the evening news to watch Race Hub... you might be a race fan.
If
you're sure the month of January is three months long... you might be a race
fan.
If by the
time Daytona rolls around, you actually look forward to the same commentators
you couldn't stand in November... you might be a race fan.
If you
have even one Christmas carol recorded by any driver... you might be a race
fan.
If your Christmas
wish list can be filled at any NASCAR store... you might be a race fan.
If you
remember drivers' names from 20 and 30 years ago, but have trouble recalling
the neighbor two doors down... you might be a race fan.
If your
closet has a NASCAR section... you might be a race fan.
If you
know that they race things such as lawn mowers, beds and bar stools... and you
enjoy watching those races... you might be a race fan.
If you
have pets with names such as Dale and Junior... you might be a race fan.
If your
babies learned numbers by associating them with racecars... you might be a race
fan.
If you
have a NASCAR themed Christmas tree... you might be a race fan.
If
you've ever custom-painted a car to match that of your favorite driver...you
might be a race fan.
If you
met or married your spouse at a race track... you might be a race fan.
If your
die-cast collection influences the purchase of a new home... you might be a
race fan.
If you
are moving in the first place, to be nearer your favorite track... you might be
a race fan.
If your
dream wedding is to be married in Victory Lane... you might be a race fan.
If your
favorite song has anything to do with racing... you might be a race fan.
If your
vacation days are entirely dependent on race dates... you might be a race fan.
If you
can make Charlotte in May, (Including visits to the race shops) Daytona in
July, Indy in August and Martinsville in October on only 11 vacation days...
you might be a race fan.
If you
buy all the current die-casts just so you can set the lineup of the race three
dimensionally... you might be a race fan.
If you let
your spouse nap so that you can watch the race, on your HONEYMOON... you might
be a race fan.
If you
play more than one NASCAR fantasy game during a race season, and even run one
of your own... you might be a race fan.
If your
personal web page contains more racing stats than personal data... you might be
a race fan.
If you
turn down a job offer because the employer won’t commit to letting you off
every February and July for the Daytona races... you might be a race fan.
If you have your favorite driver as the voice
greeting on your answering machine... you might be a race fan.
That's more than enough to get you going gentle
readers, but it's really only the beginning, so I expect to hear from you many
more reasons why "you might be a race fan." Allow me to offer a
sincere apology to Jeff Foxworthy, whose shtick I blatantly stole for a few
minutes in an attempt to be humorous. Did I make it? Well, that's up to you.
Are you laughing? Do you wonder how I knew?
Now, gentle readers, it's time for our Classic
Country Closeout, and today I've picked something very different and very
special for your listening pleasure. Most folks, even the most dedicated racing
fans, don't know this album exists, and when I heard of it, I shopped not
through states, but through countries, before finding it. Now, with the magic
of YouTube, it is more available, but I'll still wager that not one in ten of
you has heard any of it before. This Album is entitled
"The World Series of Country Music",
and every voice recorded on it is that of a racecar driver.
The first selection I've chosen for you today is
called "Hard Charger" and is done by none other than Dale
Earnhardt... yes, my Darlings, that
Dale Earnhardt. Please enjoy...
And if hearing that voice didn't quite rip your
heart out, race fans, this one surely will. Here then is my friend, Benny
Parsons, doing a recitation called, "Me and the Rookie." I've always
been told that tears cleanse the soul. Mine has just received a good cleaning
Please have a safe and sane Fourth of July. We want
you all back with us next week.
Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep
smiling. It looks so good on you!
~
PattyKay