The Magic Of Martinsville ~ The Lady In Black
3/28/2014
PattyKay Lilley
My prayers and condolences go out to Richard Petty and the
family, friends and loved ones of Lynda Petty, who lost her courageous battle
with the evil that is Cancer on March 25, 2014. Rest
in peace dear sweet Lady. You will be missed by many.
I bid you welcome gentle readers, to a trip down Memory Lane with my dear friend and alter ego, The Lady in Black. Today the Lady takes us to my Pretty Little Martinsville a decade ago, when the Chase For No Sponsorship had just begun and all the troubles that lay ahead were still unknown. For those of you that have been fans of the Lady for many years, see how many you can readily identify without peeking. For those that may never have read her before... and those with failing memories, please click here to find the actual race results.
In answer to a few questions about the picture, no, it is not me, though at the proper age, it could have been. The painting is by a gentleman named William Merritt Chase, simply entitled "Portrait of a Lady in Black." It was the brainchild of my dear friend and former "Boss", Ron Felix of Insider Racing News. Thanks again Boss; I keep reviving her from time to time because they keep asking for her. Who knew?
And now, without further ado, I give you the Lady in Black, in all her resplendent glory... and sarcastic tongue.
The Magic of
Martinsville ~ Lady in Black
by: PattyKay Lilley
Good day race fans. This is your raving reporter, the Lady in Black, coming to you from the prettiest little track on the circuit, Martinsville Speedway, where on Sunday the kids from Nextbest Cup fought the eighth battle of the war of 2004. It was a postcard day in the little town nestled under the mighty Blue Ridge Mountains; a bit warm for racing perhaps, but perfect for sunbathing and consuming adult beverages.
Before things really got underway, track Head Honcho Clay Campbell surprised Ol’ DW with the first ever H. Clay Earles Outstanding Achievement Award, named for Campbell’s grandfather and builder of the pretty little paperclip. I think the last time DW looked that surprised, happy and proud was when Stevie told him that Jessica was on the way.
To get the festivities underway, a crowd of over 90,000 was treated to a presentation of our National Anthem by Buddy Jewell, whose crisp, clean version was very respectful and pleasing to the ear of this old fan. I knew that Martinsville would not disappoint us in that respect. A couple of pace laps were led by Jethro Bodine in celebration of his first win, which was also a first win for Hendrick Motor Sports, on April 29, 1984. (Of course, it was at Martinsville) Rich Man Hendrick has built quite a dynasty over those twenty years.
This video contains the entire race. Anthem can be heard at 13:55...
One of the best vocal renditions I've heard in years. That Lady knew her stuff!
On the pole was the car with the flames and flanking him was the car with the star. It was Flameboy in the lead at the end of the first lap, and by the end of lap 2, it was Joke Ruttman taking the Finchmobile to the lounge. We hope the long trip didn’t tire you out Joke. On lap 4, Andy Fillenburg locked up his brakes and put his car hard into the wall. Andy was OK, but the car was taken to the hospital. Make that two in the lounge in four laps.
They restarted on lap 23 (Yep, that’s what I thought too) and by lap 25, Rubby Gordon was slowing on the track with a flat left rear Goodyear, compliments of teammate, Little Johnny Slaughter.
Note to Richard: The trips to the river aren’t working!
At lap 26, unable to get to pit road, Rubby brought out the second caution of the day when the tire came apart and spun the car, losing a lap. One might have thought he’d be in line for the One LAP UP (One Lucky Arse PUP) but no, NASCAR deemed that when the caution came out, he was not yet a lap down.
Note to Mike Helton: Yes, but wouldn’t that come under the rule about having the intent to be a lap down? Sounds right to me.
Although it was still early days, a few of the gang in the back headed in for a cold brewski and some adjustments. Toddling Bodine received an invitation to come back to the bar for pitting off his bar stool. At the restart on lap 32, it was still the Flames leading the Bud Stud, Jamie McQuickie and Kevin Havoc. Two laps later, it was Texas Terry’s turn to hit the bar with a flat right rear tire. NASCAR felt that he’d been in too much of a hurry to grab a beer, so he got to pass through one more time. In all of that, he only came away with right side tires.
At lap 49, the Bud Stud decided it was his turn to pick up five free pretzels and moved round the Flames to the lead. Lap 58 saw Bodine Toddle off to the lounge for repairs of whatever was broken. He’d be back off and on through the afternoon, but would ultimately run only 151 laps total and finish in the 39th position. Hey, it’s better than Ruttman!
At lap 67, Flameboy had enough of following the Bud Beerwagon and retook the lead. At the same time, we were watching Hurrikahne fall quickly back through the field. After that, they circled for a bit without incident, with positions being swapped behind the leader, but no one challenging for that spot. It would be lap 117 before Jeffy’s Mini-me caught up to the boss, and on lap 118, he passed him for the lead.
On that same lap, the peace was shattered by the sound of Kenny BAMming the wall after being rudely cut off by Captain Nemo and his Army of One. Shredder had no choice but to join the boys in the lounge, but showed his displeasure by hopping the wall and stomping off.
Note to Kenny: It was good thinking to take off the helmet so that you couldn’t be monitored.
It was beer all around at that point, and the One LAP UP went to Long Tall Mikey. At the restart on lap 129, the pylon read Mini-me, McQuickie, Flameboy, Stewpot and Mark the Munchkin. Around lap 40, the Blue Deuce and the Home Depot Demon had a bit of a beatin’ and bangin’ match for a while, with the advantage going to the Deuce. At about the same time, Casey Merely took his Target (which no one had hit so far) to the lounge for a broken rear end. (Dang that always sounds painful to me)
At lap 162, Squat Riggs slowed to avoid a logjam of cars in front of him and was thanked for his trouble with a rap from behind from the NAPA Parts Cart. Riggs spun and the yellow rag flew for the fourth time. It was Miller Time for all and the One LAP UP was awarded to Brian Vick’s Vapor Rub. The restart at lap 170 showed Flyin’ Ryan in the lead (courtesy of taking only two tires) over Mini-me, McQuickie, Flameboy, Stewpot and Munchkin.
The warriors circled for a while, with the car with the flames eventually reclaiming the lead on lap 193. At lap 214, it was Brendan Gone around, with the loan of a fender from GMAC. The gang took the opportunity for another Bud break and the One LAP UP went to some kid named Hoimie. It was about this time that I noticed we were missing the #94 of the stunt man’s kid Stanton. I see that he only turned 65 circles, so I guess he left quietly.
They got all the way to lap 269 before Jeremy Mayfail lost the handle and smeared red Dodge all over the wall. A round of Coors was in order then and the One LAP UP was Captain Nemo. They restarted with the Bud Stud in the lead over McQuickie, Flames, the Silver Bullet and the Munchkin.
At lap 284, the NAPA Parts Cart spun with a bit of help from Rickety Rudd, and did some damage, not to his car but to the track itself. The bar didn’t open right away and as they circled under yellow, a piece of concrete dislodged by the spinning #15 jumped up to bite the right front fender of the car with the flames. At lap 291, it was obvious that the janitors had a big job ahead of them, so the nice man in the little house on stilts brought out the red flag so that the kids could break for supper.
At this point, I should mention that it had been announced earlier in the week that a vast revamping of Martinsville would begin immediately following Sunday’s race. This would involve repaving the track, adding SAFER barriers and relocating the old railroad tracks that run just behind the backstretch. It seemed on Sunday that the old girl with the concrete corners took exception to the thought of being repaved and let everyone know it. She pitched a hissy fit and blew out a pothole that would have made any northern city street proud. “You’re gonna do WHAT to me?”
The red rag waved over the track for an hour and seventeen minutes (and 23 seconds, for the purists out there), giving the combatants time to wine, dine, shower and shave if they so desired. One of them, Flyin Ryan, chose to take a nap on the wall, proving I guess that engineers lead a well-balanced life. Just past 5:00, the yellow came back out and the car with the flames headed for the bar even though it hadn’t yet opened for business. Greg Baffled couldn’t get his National Guard to march and had to be pushed to the bar, where his pit bulls discovered something amiss with the fuel line. He’d lose six laps there as Flameboy kept coming back to the bar time after time.
The One LAP UP went to the Tide Ride that time. Finally, at lap 301, the green flag flew once more and it was the Bud Stud out in front of Jamie McCutey, the Silver Bullet and the Blue Deuce. Within 15 laps, Baffled was back in the pits and was not having the best of afternoons, as he would finish in 35th place, some 55 laps down to the leaders.
Things remained quiet for a while, as the Bud Stud stretched out his lead and the car with the flames was battling back mightily from his 21st place start. The eighth caution of the day flew when Hurrikahne got together with the Good Shepherd. It appeared that the red Dodge might have cut down a tire, since he was in the bar before it opened. It was Smirnoff Ice Triple Black all around, with the One LAP UP going for a second time to the NAPA Parts Cart.
Note to Mike Helton: Maybe there should be a limit on how many of those can go to the same car.
The wheels turned fast again at lap 381, with the Bud Stud still in front of Mini-me, the Blue Deuce, Bobby Lobotomy, McCutey and the Silver Bullet. (Horrible pit stop there) By the next lap, it appeared the Munchkin’s Viagra had worn off and he was backing up rapidly through traffic. He reported “No fuel pressure” to his Chief Pit Bull. They fixed the problem eventually, but he would finish 34th on the day, some 31 laps in arrears.
Lap 394 saw Rickety Rudd at the bar with a flat right front Goodyear and shortly after that, Hoimie reported that he had no power steering. That last hundred laps or so must have felt like four hundred, but he brought that little car home in 26th place, only three laps behind the cars with all the money.
At lap 413, Scott Whimper did his own version of the NASCAR Ballet as he pirouetted his car around on the track to bring out caution number nine. Only three laps earlier, Mini-me had taken the lead from the Bud Stud, and when the rest of the guys came in for a Bud break, he stayed on the track. Chad the Pit Bull admitted there had been some confusion about coming in and added, “We don’t have a prayer!” The One LAP UP went to Vick’s Vapor Rub, and when they restarted, it was Mini-me leading Flyin’ Ryan, the Bud Stud, Bobby Lobotomy and McCutey.
No sooner had they got back to circling than Mutt Kenseth gave a bit of help to Kevin Havoc. He helped him right into the wall, and the yellow came right back out. There were more trips to the bar on this break, but amazingly, Jeffy’s Mini-me chose to stay out yet again. The One LAP UP went again to Ricochet Craven. (See previous note to Mike Helton)
They ran in circles until lap 454, when the Blue Deuce passed Mini-me for the race lead, while at the other end of the track, Captain Nemo spun his Army of One, causing Havoc, the Tide Ride and Daring Cope to pull up short in order to avoid wrecking in the smoke. That brought out the eleventh and final caution of the day, which allowed some of the boys in the back room to hit the bar one last time, and Brendan Gone to circle around to become the 20th car on the lead lap.
When they commenced to racing, it was the Blue Deuce leading Mini-me, Flyin’ Ryan, the Bounty Hunter and the Bud Stud. There was a penalty assessed to Jeff Greenhorn that was never explained. Maybe he spilled Cheerios on the track and got a ticket for littering. The Blue Deuce pulled out to a pretty fair lead, but behind him the Bounty Hunter quickly dispatched Mini-me and Flyin’ Ryan to set sail after the Miller Beerwagon.
In the end, it was the Blue Deuce holding off the Bounty Hunter to take his first win in 105 races and the crowd went wild! Showing true class, Rusty did no doughnuts and lit up no smoking tires, but turned the Blue Deuce around on the track and took a Polish Victory Lap in honor of his good friend Alan Kulwicki, waving to the crowd all the way around before pulling up at the start/finish line, which serves as Victory Lane at Martinsville.
If I’ve ever seen anyone happier to be in Victory Lane, I don’t remember it. Rusty flashed that patented Wallace smile on everyone he could find, amidst a shower of Miller Lite. With all of the cautions and the red flag, we were a long time coming to the end of the race, but it was ever so worth it!
Note to Clay Campbell: You still have the best track on the circuit Sir. Be very proud of that!
The top-ten finishing order read, 2/18/8/48/12/24/42/17/40 and 88.
That’s exactly the way it was at Martinsville on Sunday. Would I lie to you?
~LIB
There she goes folks, waving good-bye from her rental Smart Car, on her way to who knows where; but she'll be back someday to visit again... if, of course, you keep asking. Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~ PattyKay