NASCAR Poetry...Or Not 12/16/2014 |
I bid you welcome
gentle readers, to the week before Christmas. Last year in this time spot, a
few of you might remember that I tried my hand at some poetry. If you missed it
or don’t recall reading it, it’s easy to find right here . I wasn’t too proud of the effort until it was
shown to my friend Matthew, who indeed has more talent in a fingernail than I
have in my entire brain, and he loved it.
Thus emboldened by the
approval of a Master, today I’d like to share a couple more songs to which I
have applied what I hope is the best combination of brain to fingers available
to your scribe. Be it known that there is no punishment whatsoever for laughter
or tears. These were simply moments when I was having some fun… mostly at Brian
France’s expense. Oh, and Brian, it you’re reading, I meant every word. J
I think most of you
are familiar with an old Johnny Paycheck hit called. “Take This Job and Shove It”,
but if not, here’s how it goes…
And now that you have
the tune, try running through it using the words below… and by all means, have
fun, and a smile on Mama.
Take This Sport and Shove It
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more.
Brian done come and
killed all the reasons, we was racin' for.
Those empty seats
gonna stay that way, 'cause we done slammed the door!
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more!
Well, I been watchin' this racing thing, nigh on sixty-five years
All that time it's
sure been fun, but also been a lot of tears.
Watched a lot of good
men die; they didn't have to go that way.
Now it's time for the
few fans left to stand right up and say...
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more.
Brian done come and killed
all the reasons we was racin' for.
Empty seats gonna stay
that way, 'cause we done slammed the door!
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more!
The President's just a
"yes" man and the CEO's an ass!
How can anyone call it
racin', when the cars can't even pass?
Parades are lots of
fun to watch, on days like the 4th of July
But fans want to see
real racin', and NASCAR doesn't even try!
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more.
Brian done come and killed
all the reasons we was racin' for.
Empty seats gonna stay
that way, 'cause we done slammed the door!
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more!
No more buyin' your tickets; no more watchin'
on TV
There ain't no racin' to be had; there's nothing left to see.
You'll find us
watching football or maybe playin' in the pool
But we won't be
watching racin', 'cause we're tired of playin' the fool.
(So you can)
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more.
Brian done come and killed
all the reasons we was racin' for.
Empty seats gonna stay
that way, 'cause we done slammed the door!
Take this sport and
shove it; we ain't watchin' this no more!
All right! If you’re
still here and still reading, let’s try one with a bit more of the Christmas
spirit…well, maybe not spirit exactly, but it is a song that comes out at
Christmas time. I know you all know this one, if only because I played it for
you on these pages just a short time ago… but in case you were absent that day,
here’s the way it was sung by Gene Autry:
Here then is Mama’s
slightly altered version of that perennial favorite, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”,
retitled as “Brian the NASCAR Emperor.” Please sing along and have a giggle
on me…
You know Petty and
Pearson, and Pistone and Baker,
Earnhardt and Wallace
and every risk taker,
But do you recall?
Who never drove a
racecar at all?
Brian the NASCAR
Emperor
Lived a life of West Coast
ease.
He never thought he'd
ever
Do anything but what
he pleased.
All of the kids he
played with
Smoked some weed and
sniffed cocaine.
Brian never gave a
thought to
Playing in the NASCAR
game.
Then one day his Dad
got sick
And Brian got the
call.
Pack your bags and
come back east;
NASCAR needs you to
run it all.
Bill thought the fans
would love him,
But they shouted
endlessly,
Brian the NASCAR
Emperor
You'll go down in
infamy!
Brian the NASCAR
Emperor
Thought it would be
fun to Chase,
Nobody could convince
him
That fans just want to
see a race.
Grandstands began to
empty
Almost no one watched
TV
Fans kept trying to
tell him
There is nothing left
to see.
Then one year on
Christmas Eve
Brian saw the light.
Caught the first
flight for LA
And he soon was out of
sight.
Then how the fans all
loved it
As they shouted out
with glee,
“Brian the NASCAR
Emperor,
You're a part of
history!”
One last moment and we
shall arrive at our Classic Country Closeout, but first I want to ask each of
you to make a note. This column will run next week, on its usual Monday/Tuesday
schedule, but since it won’t really be about racing, but Christmas itself, it
won’t appear on Jayski’s page. We totally respect
that Jayski.com is all about racing, but that doesn’t stop all of you from just
coming to:
http://racefansforever.weebly.com/
Just click on my name
and the wonders of Al Gore’s Internet will whisk you to what I hope you’ll find
pleasing and heartwarming. Oh, and please, tell your friends. Now then, on to
our Country Christmas…
First up is not
exactly a song, but a recitation. There are several versions of this one, and
this old fan always leans toward Johnny Cash, but instead, I chose a version by
Grandpa Jones, because it has a breathtakingly beautiful video accompanying his
reading of, “The Christmas Guest.” Please enjoy the story and be sure to
watch the video. Full screen is recommended…
Now, it’s time for
Johnny Cash. Sometimes, we hear something so right and so good that no one even
tries to duplicate it. I’m sure that someone, somewhere must have recorded this
one besides Johnny, but quite frankly, I don’t even want to hear it. Here, Johnny
takes a very old poem written by poetess Edna St. Vincent Millay, and makes it
unmistakably his own as he recites if for his own mother. If this doesn’t move
you, then nothing will. Here is Johnny, reciting “The Ballad of the Harp-Weaver.”
It’s the day for
recitations, and no collection of them would be complete at Christmas without
this tear inducer from Red Sovine called “Billy’s
Christmas Wish.” Tissue alert here!!
And because Santa told
me you’ve all been very, very good, we have a bonus song today, and it’s not a
recitation, but a song very dear to my heart. Wherever this Christmas season
might find you, please know that you are wished the merriest of Christmases by
one old lady that reposes behind a keyboard somewhere in Dixie. Here to carry
that wish from me to you is Alabama, with their wonderful rendition of “Christmas in Dixie.” God bless you
all… ya hear?
Be well gentle
readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!